why

can someone help me out?
why the hell they disturb my family? 
Why my mom decided to agree?
my mom want to remarried with someone that she terhutang budi because that man family used to take care for my mom. i can't accept. like seriously i can't. its hard to make my heart to allow those thing happen. i want my dad. my real dad. i refuse to talk. i still talk with my mom, just not as usual. i'm scared on what reason she might said to me. she know i will never ever agree and accept her decision.

idk

its happen recently, i think maybe last two month, i don't really know and understand my own feeling. i lost my appetite and keep saying food is yummy when its not. keep saying i'm okay when people asked " hey, how are you today". refuse to cry when i really want to cry. Calm my own self with closing my eyes for several minutes and then talk with my friend and even laugh.
i'm scared . with my own self. do i really becoming myself or becoming someone that people would comfortable when they around me? i keep annoyed people when i know they will be mad. i keep saying useless thing when i know they will never listen.
should i just.............